My Story - 2023 - by Me

This is my story, about me,

And how my eating disorder came to be,

I was such a happy bouncychild,

If not that a little wild.

Without a care in the world,

Until my life completely unfurled.

A girl once said I’d look better if I lost weight,

But I should have not have let her dictate.

It all began with a little restriction,

But this didn’t cause much friction,

I would eat very little for days,

Then eat what my body craved,

I never lost any weight,

So nobody was worried or in a state.

I remember dreading going back to school,

But there, there were no ground rule,

So I could restrict as much as I wanted, which I did,

But when I did eat I felt like a pig.

I watched the number on the scale drop,

But this did not make me want to stop.

People made comments on how good I looked,

And I was completely hooked.

As I consumed less and less,

my life was becoming a mess,

I could barely sleep a wink,

Counting calories in the hope I’d shrink,

I was always freezing and pale,

But I hated the number on the scale.

Despite all the food I ate,

This did not effect my weight,

I would do sit-ups all night long,

Even though I knew it would prolong,

The never ending hell of my existence,

I could see my freedom slipping into the distance.

After 4 months on an NHS waiting list,

My body and mind was at risk,

Doctors appointments, ECG scans, blood tests the lot,

If I continue like this I’ll loose the plot.

Dinner time was torture,

I don’t need this, I’m absolutely fine,

You don’t need to feed me, my body’s mine.

This continued months on end,

To a day unit I was sent,

Spending days learning how to eat,

Whilst watching my peers go out to meet.

I’d lost all hope so we booked a flight,

But of course conditions would apply,

No one believed I could do it,

a month backpacking round Europe,

but I proved the professionals all wrong,

And in my body I started to feel I belong,

Beer in Munich, kababs in Berlin,

Life’s not fun when your want to be thin,

Wine tasting in Florence, Ice cream in Rome,

My body was begging to feel like home.

So Here I am now,

I honestly don’t know how,

At my dream art school,

Trying to play it cool,

I know there are worst days to come,

And better,

not so that I can fit into my old sweater,

But to enjoy life and be free,

Of this deadly and all consuming disease.

- Bec 17/02/23

i wrote this poem to sum up my story with my eating disorder but through poetry. I love writing poetry it’s really therapeutic and means a lot to me also it’s slightly Qwirky a bit like me.

I want to use my poetry and intertwine it into my final piece maybe write it onto my final piece outer shell, I have used it throughout my sketchbook. And I think it really reflect me as a person and gets my thoughts across to the viewer as it is so personal and I want to share my story and want people to understand my experiences.

McGowan , B. (2023). My Story . [Poetry ].

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